Archive for the ‘Did I really hit publish?’ Category

Do you ever feel crazy? Like in a special genius super-hero way?

I swear on all that is holy that I hear “Come on Eileen” playing right now. 

No one else at work does soI am INSISTING that it is playing versus saying “Oh, maybe it was a car that was passing by” instead of “No, listen, too-ra-loo-ra-too-ra-loo-rye-aye, you still dont hear it?”.  I believe in my super sonic hearing that only applies to songs from the 80’s because seriously?  please don’t say anything to me and expect me to hear you.  ever.  ok, unless you are telling me to the tune of “Jesse’s Girl”, maybe then.

But sometimes do you ever wonder if maybe you are the only person hearing it but it’s still real and it’s maybe your own little personal soundtrack?  Like maybe Zeus or whoever was all like “Hmm, she looks like she could use an after lunch pick-me-up” lemme see what I’ve got here.  I think maybe Oprah said at some point that believing in something that other people don’t think is real is like some big secret but then poof, that shit works, and then you are all walking down the street to the Saturday Night Fever music which causes you to make a million dollars because you are all inspired, so inspired in fact, that you find the cure for Feline AIDS, but not people AIDS.  You may be inspired but you’re not that smart.

Also, I need to get the 411 on saying Oprah’s name in my blog, yo.  I know she and Tom Cruise are pretty tight and I heard somewhere that if you talk negatively about Scientologists that they will blow your house up (which?  I toootally don’t think is true!  I’ve never met a Scientologist I didn’t like as a matter of fact! and?  why would they want to come all the way to Atl…Montana [not Atlanta] and do that? too far from the mothership headquarters!).  Sorry, back to Oprah, since the scientologists are tight with the aliens and aliens are watching everything we do, is Tom going to tell her I’m blogging about her? 


I won’t mind losing all my teeth

I am a connoisseur of all things grandma. 

It have become very apparent to me in the last few years that I have the same eating habits and tastes as a 84 year old woman.  This may have a little to do with the fact that I was basically raised by my maternal Grandmother and paternal Great-grandmother.  I have compiled a semi-complete list of my geriatric cuisine choices:

I love coffee, but easy on the dairy and light to little sugar. 

Mashing anything automatically makes it more appealing to me.

Werther’s Originals.

I love cafeteria style food, oooh, and buffets.  My last birthday was spent at Golden Corral.  My Twenty-Sixth BIRTHDAY!

I reeeeally like jello (red, and sans fruit b/c that is just stupid!  Who puts fruit in their jello?  Stupid, Stupid, Stupid I tell you!)

If it’s stinky (cabbage), slimy (Brussels sprouts), or just plain something you would never eat if your sweet little grandma hadn’t spent all day making it, I probably LOVE it.

Also, I think the things that I don’t eat a lot of such as gum, dairy, popcorn, and sausages that give me heartburn, only solidify my argument that I like the finer nursing home fare.  I know this is all very random, but it struck me with such force today (as I was reaching for a soft peppermint) that I thought I would share.