Episode I: The Phantom Tenants

Today, in a galaxy far far away, sits a vacant home.  No ordinary home, this is. 

I try not to be a lover of “things” but I do reeeeeeally like like this house.  So much so that I let it sit vacant and pristine for months in lieu of renting the house out b/c I didn’t want anyone to mess it up.

Then I found (what I thought was) a lovely couple on that wonderful cyber-orgy known as craigslist.  Turns out, not so much.

I went to the house yesterday b/c they were “moving out” on the 5th.  Yesterday was the 5th.  They have moved nothing.  I had a right mind to throw everything away, but I was able to get in contact with Mr. Sucktastic and tell him that whatever he does not get by Saturday will be disposed of.  Here is a list of what I disposed of yesterday:

  • approx. 75 bowls/cups/plates that were craftily (is that a word) used as an ashtray
  • baby diapers, dirty ones
  • rotten meat and spoiled milk (Oh, did I mention that they didn’t pay their power bill and the power was off for 9 days?  Because they didn’t, and it was. grrr)
  • cat poop (I guess I also didn’t mention that they left a baby kitten in the house with little food, no water, and no way to escape the 95 degree heat of the house with no power.  Double grrr)
  • random shoes in the front yard, I can’t make this stuff up peeps!
  • Piles of piles of piles of fashion/gossip magazines because, really,  why waste your time paying bills and cleaning and taking care of your kids (which BTW are no longer in her custody) when you can sit around and smoke cigarettes and read about Britney smoking cigarettes and not cleaning and not taking care of her kids…see now doesn’t that make you feel muuuch better.

More on this saga (and the kitten) later.  Now, please excuse me while I go throw some shoes in the yard.

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